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Sexuality: JOKES!

Forums > Sexuality > JOKES! [2 Pages: 1, 2 >> ] (26 messages)

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tkitezb Member Posts: 60	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 05:29:27 JOKES!
	Here's one to get you started, a personal favourite of mine... Q: Why do single men take Viagra? A: So they don't roll out of bed! bdum tsh. Thankyou... Thankyou.
XanderDude Member Posts: 73	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 05:44:57 lol
	Why can't blondes learn how to water ski ? Because, whenever they get wet between their legs, they imideatedly lay down...
tkitezb Member Posts: 60	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 05:49:02 Essex Girls...
	Q: What does an Essex girl use for protection? A: A bus shelter. PS: I was actually born in Essex and am therefore qualified to make such jokes.
wanttosquirt Member Member Profile Posts: 38	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 08:55:36
	wat is the differance between sex and air u dont really notice either till ur not getting any wats the differance between a hooker and a drug dealer a hooker can wash her crack and sell it agin
krispeakreme Member Member Profile Posts: 66	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 11:21:58 Hehe, I like jokes.
	That blonde waterskiing joke is just....so not right! I'm blonde and I waterski! Haha. BUT I GOT SOMMMMEEE! These are just SOME of my favorites! What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts! Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius! On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey". If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have? 2 ft. of my cock in your ass. A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock. A lady asks "What are you dressed as?" He says a fireman! You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can. One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies "BREASTS." What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup! Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female. The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack" "No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet" How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper. And since there was a blonde joke thrown in here, I might as well add my favorite one. Enjoy! Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!" The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!" The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!" Then the train hits them.
XanderDude Member Posts: 73	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 16:13:17 the train hits them.... lol
	What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion ?? - An ASS that brings tears to your eyes....
XanderDude Member Posts: 73	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 16:15:32 another blonde joke
	Why does all the blonde chicks have blue marks around their belly button? - 'cause Blonde BOYS aren't any smarter
krispeakreme Member Member Profile Posts: 66	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 16:40:53
	What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH? A blonde going through a flashing red light. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them. Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
FShinnizle Member Posts: 25	Wed, Jul 02, 2008 22:43:18
	Good ones people! lol
XanderDude Member Posts: 73	Thu, Jul 03, 2008 16:59:45 funny
	a farmer went out and bought a new rooster, when it got back two the farm the new rooster said to the old rooster, right old cock i’m top rooster around here now, then the old rooster said we’ll have a race around the farm to see who stays, so the young rooster says i’ll give you a 15 second head start and they start to race, as they pass the farmer he shoots the new rooster and says, fuck sake thats the fourth gay rooster i’ve bought this week.
tkitezb Member Posts: 60	Thu, Jul 03, 2008 18:29:11 A new one...
	Q: What's the difference between a gay man and a straight man? A: About 10 pints. bdum tsh... Thankyou, thankyou...
aussiecock Member Posts: 100	Sat, Jul 05, 2008 07:19:28
	haahaha nice work people kris ii dont get the donkey and rooster one....i could be cause im tired but still.........
krispeakreme Member Member Profile Posts: 66	Sat, Jul 05, 2008 13:59:00
	another word for a donkey is ass.. and another word for rooster is cock.. Haha
XanderDude Member Posts: 73	Tue, Jul 08, 2008 05:55:43 blonde
	Ok so this hot blonde girl gets on a plane to NewYork, and she has bought a ticket on business class...As she boards the plane she gets a look into first class which compared to her seat on business class is somewhat better...So of course she strolls in there, finds a very comfortable seat for herself. Now as the crew takes a head count the of course discover this hot blonde in the wrong section, asking her to move to her own seat... She replies: "I am young, hot and goregous and I deserve to sit here during my flight to newYork"... The stewardress not wanting to cause any scene infornt of the paying first class passengers, calls for the purser to solve the situation...Of course he gets the same respons...Now since every flight has a tight schedule the Captain waiting for the "Boarding completed" message, appears - and gets brushed off the same way as the others... "I am hot, blonde and gorgeous, and I deserve to sit here on my trip to NewYork..."Now they are sbout to run out of time to reach their spot in the flightpath and so the co-pilot appears looking for the captain. He gets served the problem, and says: "Don't worry I've dated a hot blonde girl before I'll solve this..."He walks over to the hot blonde and whispers in her ear, and she stands up, kisses him on the cheek and says "Thank you so much", and she strolls into her own seat in the business class section... The others are stunned.. "What, did you say to her?" They wonder, since they've all been trying... "That was no challenge" he replies. " I mearly said, that First class, wont be landing in NewYork !!!!
XanderDude Member Posts: 73	Thu, Jul 10, 2008 07:29:14 okay a few brunette jokes then...
	Why does Blondes prfer the company of a brunette ? - Because it makes her appear smarter... A girl asks her mother: "Does babies come out where the penis goes in?" The mother says "yes, hun they do". Th girl replies: "now, wouldn’t that break my jaw?" And the ultimate Brunette Joke: Why are blonde jokes so stupid? So brunettes can understand them. A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
krispeakreme Member Member Profile Posts: 66	Sat, Jul 12, 2008 08:25:22
	Chaka got hired by an American dictionary company to help them with their new dictionary for his language. They had a tight deadline and he was working really long hours. He was feeling more and more run down, and finally one day around lunch he goes into his supervisor’s office and said “Sorry boss. Can’t keep working today. Don’t feel good.” His supervisor said “You have been working hard. You’re married aren’t you? You know what I do when I’m feeling tired of working? I go buy a single long stem red rose, a bottle of good wine and some fine chocolate. Then I go home to my wife, and give her a soft sweet kiss on the cheek. Then I start to kiss her neck. Then I lead her over to the couch, put my hand on her knee, and give her a really long, passionate kiss. And then, well, let’s just say an hour or two later, I’m feeling great, and ready to come back to work again. Works every time. So Chaka leaves and a couple of hours later he comes in and he’s got a big smile on his face and he looks much happier and more relaxed. And his boss said “well, it looks like you took my advice”. And Chaka said “I sure did. Thanks, boss. I feel a lot better now. By the way, you have nice house.” I bet a lot of you have heard of this one: A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!” The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.” The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.” This one never gets old for me! I would totally do the same thing... A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails , he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, “Wouldn’t it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?” He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They talked for a few hours, and then she kissed him. He suddenly realized that to stay with her might end his marriage with his beloved wife. Things weren’t exciting anymore, be he did love her. He apologized, excused himself, grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”
CowboyCrew Member Posts: 21	Sat, Jul 12, 2008 14:36:59
	A little boy comes down to breakfast and sees his grandma cooking. He asks, "Where's Mom and Dad?" His grandma replies, "They're still in bed." The boy giggles and goes outside to play. When lunch-time comes around, the boy comes in and sees his grandma is still there and asks, "Where's Mom and Dad?" And again the grandma replies, "They're still in bed." The boys giggles again and goes back outside to play. Dinner-time rolls around and the boy comes in and his grandmother is still there. "Where's Mom and Dad?" Once again, "They're still in bed." The boy starts to laugh and the grandma interupts him and says, "Alright. Everytime I tell you your parents are still in bed, you laugh. What gives?" The boy smiles and says, "Dad came to my room last night and asked for the Vaseline. I gave him the superglue." ______________________________ A little boy was at school one day and one of his friends tells him about a way to get anything you want from your parents. You walk up, glare at them and say, "I know the whole truth." The boy figures that sounds like a good idea. When he get's home his mother is in the kitchen, and he figures he's gonna' try that out. He walks up to her, glares and says, "I know the whole truth." Mom freaks and begs him not to tell his father and hands him 20 bucks. The boy pockets it, and walks off. Then the boy wants to try it on his father. He finds his father in the garage, glares at him and says, "I know the whole truth." Dad freaks and begs him not to tell his mother and hands him 50 bucks. The boy pockets it and walks off. Later the boy is setting on the front porch, counting his money and smiling. He then wanders if it will work on all grown ups. So he decides to try it on the next grown up he sees. Along comes the mail man. The boy stands, glares, "I know the whole truth." Mail man drops his bag, opens his arms and yells, "Give your daddy a hug!"
XanderDude Member Posts: 73	Tue, Jul 22, 2008 08:06:16 cops
	Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no but I have the new Beatles album. Cops have no sense of humor.
kkinki Member Posts: 3	Tue, Jul 22, 2008 22:27:28
	What are the two sexiest animals on a farm? Brown chicken Brown Cow (sing like porn music...bow chicka bow ow)
Rider Member Posts: 84	Fri, Jul 25, 2008 10:10:33
	Q: What do you call a 6.9? A: A great sex position fucked up by a period!

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